iPad: Slim & discrete, but can you swim with it?

Steve Jobs has applied his marketing genius again - he has made Apple Nation lose their minds over the latest Apple product release, - iPad; Apple's alleged "laptop killer" tablet computer.

Allow me to preface this with the fact that I own an iPhone...and love it.

God I hate Apple.

Apple thinks that their best-in-class marketing will make every middle-class American with discretionary income think that they will need their products.  Well, Apple is dead wrong.  The company has been successful, as of late, because they have revolutionized the personal music listening experience.  The combination of iTunes and all of the iterations, up to and including the iPhone, are to thank for this revolution.  Mac computers have achieved success due to their top end components and excellent displays.  Coupled these attributes with addictive marketing and 20-somethings led the march to overpay for trendy must-have Macs.  Steve Jobs has been one of the best innovators of the 2000's.

Someone forgot to tell Steve Jobs that innovation must be accompanied by common sense.

Let's start with the name: iPad.  Really?  I think Apple should incorporate a roomful of drunk college guys into their R&D process.  How the hell does a Fortune 100 company name their latest and greatest creation after a feminine hygiene product?  I'll stop short of elaborating on this.  Let's suffice it to say that "iTampon" was a trending topic on Twitter minutes after the announcement.

Now let's get to why the iPad is terrible in terms of functionality.  I would be lying if I said all of my criticisms were original to me.  For a professional list of gripes with the iPad check out Gizmodo's 8 Things that Suck about the iPad. Here are my personal favorites of why the iPad is an iFlop:

• Overall, the iPad is an overgrown iPhone, without the the telecom functionality.
  
• No Flash -  You have to be kidding me.  The lack of Flash support is by far my biggest gripe about the iPhone.  How does one expect to be a "laptop killer" if it doesn't even support one of the most popular website formats; not to mention the inability to stream video via Flash!
  
• No Multi-tasking - You can only run one application at a time on the iPad.  Dealbreaker.
  
• No USB port - the definition of USB: "Universal Serial Bus" is a wired serial bus standard to interface computers and electronics devices. Only Apple would have the audacity to create a computer without a USB port.
  
• Not Widescreen - Welcome back to the stone-age.  Maybe Apple will start selling 4:3 Standard Def tube TV's again too!

What I will say in defense of the iPad is that the price point is interesting starting at $499.   However, $499 is a little pricey for something that you only need once a month.  Sure, its slim and discrete, but can you swim with it?